Love the Mom You’re With

This Sunday, May 10 is Mother’s Day. For so many across the country, it’s a time to honor and appreciate the woman who nurtured you through life and who remains the person with whom you share laughter and tears. She is your number one fan, your closest confidant, and you can’t imagine life without her in it. Spending time with your mom on Mother’s Day can be the best gift for the two of you.

My mom is no longer around in the physical world but we still have daily talks. I regularly hear her voice in my head during the course of my day and hear songs with lyrics that remind me of her. Real or imagined, this time with my mom gives me the feeling I had as a child, sitting in her lap and feeling her arms wrapped around me. That comfortable childhood embrace of Mom’s love has remained and carried me through the toughest moments of my life. It is reassuring that she still pops in to let me know everything is going to be okay.  

Funnily enough, my mom really did not like Mother’s Day. Mom felt so strongly about it that she refused to acknowledge that it was her “special day” and told me to skip any celebration and move right to the next thing – her birthday on May 15. I never really understood her protest but she explained that children should love and respect their mothers every day and that to her, grown children who slap a corsage on their mom’s chest and take them out to a champagne brunch once a year seemed phony and cliché. I never wanted to do that but I did let her rant about it. I found other ways to give back to my mom throughout the year, like working in the garden by her side, cooking a meal together or holding her hand following her most difficult medical procedures. I knew it was important to show up and be there for her in good times and bad. We had a good time together and I thank her for giving me life.

When I became a mom myself, I embraced the idea of Mother’s Day and rejected my mom’s strange non-participation. I see motherhood as an unbelievably amazing gift. To be able to create a tiny human inside your body then help that child to live, learn and thrive should be recognized as the special accomplishment that it is. I have always welcomed any thank yous from my children for my role as “mom,” including hand-crafted cards, interesting food options and thrown-together gifts. My kids have been so creative through the years and have shown me who they really are in celebrating the day. I love that. I kept every little memento as if it was the best gift I ever received, which they were. I am also fine with being left completely alone on Mother’s Day to rest, garden, read or write when it works out that way. In my opinion, it’s all good and I don’t want my children to ever feel obligated to show up, although of course, I love when they do. This year, I look forward to spending time with my husband and our daughter and son, but we will also have the special bonus of celebrating the new mom in our family and sharing the day with our daughter-in-law and new granddaughter, who is now six weeks old. This holiday continues to evolve for me.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that for some people, the “mom” in their life is a grandmother, step-mom, aunt, sister or friend who stepped into the role when their mom couldn’t be there or who provided an additional layer of love and support during the childhood years or even now through adulthood. How wonderful for those who were lucky enough to have these extra moms who chose to show up and be there for them. Moms by choice deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day too. They should receive every accolade, sappy card, lingering hug and smile you can muster. 

And if you are so moved, slap a corsage on them and go have some champagne!  Spending time with your extra mom can be the greatest gift for the two of you. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the “moms” out there who are taking care of others in their own special way. May your day be everything you wish for with no extra drama included. You deserve it.

Susan Bolan
susanbolan710@gmail.com