By Julie BUTCHER
On Thursday, Feb. 9, more than 100 parents and members of the Crescenta Valley community attended a lively, informative seminar at Crescenta Valley High School titled “The Turbulent Teens: Finding Calm in the Storms of Anxiety,” presented by psychotherapist Pamela Erdman in coordination with the school and the school district. Erdman has been practicing marriage and family therapy in the area for nearly 30 years. For many years, Erdman was one of the therapists in the ongoing parent education programs hosted by the CV Alliance; she continues with that program now hosted by the YMCA of the Foothills.
School Principal
Dr. Linda Junge and head counselor Janelle Evans welcomed the crowd, previewed the evening’s discussion, and introduced speaker Erdman, “an amazing contribution to our community.”
Evans noted that many students are facing varying levels of anxiety and that the school’s aim is to provide students with concrete tools to deal with stress in their daily lives. CVHS takes this seriously and is committed to providing training and support for teachers and kids and every member of the community, using proven strategies such as focused mindfulness, for example.
“The anxiety doesn’t just start in high school. We’re seeing it in children of every age.”
Erdman began her talk by inviting the assemblage to close their eyes and breathe deeply.
Then she read a poem:
Waking up and still being tired
Trying to sleep and still being wired
All of the hectic time in between
Portrays the mind-boggling life of a teen.
Being forced to make many decisions at school
Wondering if our peers will consider us cool
Facing pressure of continuous stress
Made of never-ending homework and responsible tests.
Falling in love and feeling pure bliss
Only to have your heart ripped apart and someone to miss
Knowing if your parents keep treating you this way
There’s no way you’ll make it through another day.
“Hurt,” Chap Clark
“It’s not easy to be a parent,” Erdman assured the audience. She listed just some of the “storms” whipped up in adolescence: the craziness of social media, hormones, peers, identify confusion, incomplete brain development, overstimulation, loneliness, self-consciousness, self-loathing, sleep deprivation, economic uncertainty, terrorism, career fears.
“The pressure our kids feel most is the pressure to not disappoint us,” she added. “I didn’t see a ‘panic attack’ for the first 10-15 years of my practice. Now ER docs are regularly reporting many patients in such extreme anxiety that it looks like they’re having a heart attack.”
Erdman said that anxiety is defined as distress or uneasiness of mind and body caused by the fear of danger or misfortune, dread, a “Something bad’s gonna happen” feeling. She educated the audience on the symptoms to watch for when someone – including a student – is experiencing an anxiety attack. These included heart palpitations, light-headedness, shaking, sweating, muscle tension, deep fatigue, sleep disturbances, digestive problems, stomach aches, self harm, difficulty concentrating, obsessive thoughts, shortness of breath, nausea, insomnia, headaches, changes in appetite, depression (which is a symptom of anxiety), numbness of feeling, or feelings of panic.
“Researchers note that 33% of all children and adults suffer from significant symptoms of anxiety,” Erdman said. “When our minds run on RPMs too high for too long our bodies respond by shutting down.”
She did offer hope, though.
“The good news is that as families we can do so much to help create calm in the midst of the storm. Starting by understanding, responding with patience and kindness and less reactivity, parents can look for signs and help so much.”
According to Erdman, young people, despite what many might think, are listening to what is being said by their parents and might internalize any criticisms. She urged parents to break the cycle of anxiety by being less reactive and less critical.
“‘I know you’ve got a lot on your mind’ support is more calming to children than is nagging,” she advised. “Try breathing and mindfulness – even when [your kids] trigger you! Slow down, wait to start the car, take several deep breaths altogether; mindfulness starts with breathing.”
In several instances, Erdman emphasized that often the most sensitive, anxious child is also the brightest, most aware child.
“Thank goodness for the child who is oblivious!” Erdman joked.
She shared specific concrete suggestions that included creating a quiet space or spaces, limiting stimulus and stress. Prioritizing sleep, mild exercise, good, balanced nutrition and meditation were other suggestions she offered.
“Do you want your children to be happy or do you want them to be successful?” she asked. “Because if you want them to be happy, the most important thing you can do is to give them a sense of connectedness. They need the fullness of your attention, eye-contact, genuine, undistracted listening.”
Erdman referenced the book “The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness: Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy” by Dr. [Edward] Hallowell, which states the most important element of adult happiness is linked to the importance of a child and an adolescent having a sense of connectedness to his family and his school.
“Calmness, connection, and caring communications are the keys to helping your children through these turbulent times,” Erdman said before opening the session to questions and answers from the floor.
“They need to feel secure. ‘I’m here! I care about you! I know you. I see you. You are not alone. I believe in you. You’re going to succeed in the world; I know that.’ These are the words your child needs to hear, really hear.”
A sampling of questions from the audience are below:
Q: What are teachers doing to help?
A: The school takes this very seriously. Teachers have been introduced to all of these tools through in-services and other professional development opportunities. There’s been an Anxiety Panel including students; we’ve got an experienced school psychologist here. It’s a solid, collective effort. However, please keep in mind that teachers are human.
Q: What do you think about medication?
A: I prefer to start with the tools we’ve talked about tonight – along with therapy – but if medication is warranted and will help, I’m all for it.
Q: Gaming?
A: As your kids will tell you, the science suggests it can calm and quiet the mind. But it’s also stimulating as you can see if you watch them playing, so I believe in strict limits: no gaming or 30 minutes on weekdays, more time on weekends. Think balance!
Q: Coloring?
A: Go for it! It’s extremely therapeutic!
Q: Sleep problems?
A: Start turning off the screens about an hour before bedtime, establish bedtime rituals, darken the room, cool the temperature, try soothing music if that helps, reading a real book.