Question: There are so many people who are caregivers for their loved ones. This can be rewarding but it can also be a very stressful time that brings emotions to the forefront including a sense of loss as they watch their loved ones change and guilt when they find themselves too tired to be positive. 

What can a caregiver do to make certain their physical and mental health are replenished? Caregiver

Dear Caregiver –

Whether you are the primary caregiver or the caretaker overseeing finances and other things, the responsibility for aging, ailing or failing loved ones is stressful. As a caregiver, when we act or speak out of frustration instead out of love it’s important to forgive ourselves instead giving into guilt. Giving ourselves permission to be irritated, angry, fearful, sad, despondent and lonely and to grieve the potential or impending loss is all part of the caregiving process. Having been in this position within the last number of years, I learned that self-care is as critically important as the care of our loved one.  

First and foremost in self-care is spiritual replenishment! When depleted, we need filling up. Philippians 4:6-7 states, “Be anxious for nothing but in everything, by prayer with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will fill your heart and mind.” Through regular devotional reading, contemplative time and prayer, God speaks to our heart, soothes our emotions, quiets our mind and brings needed peace. When we respond from peace, we navigate through challenges more effectively.  

For mental and emotional wellbeing, we need to ask, “What feeds my soul and restores joy?” Is it being out in nature, reading a book for pleasure, the company of caring friends, getting a massage or having a “pajama day” to recoup? It’s critical that we discern the answer(s) to this question as these things will be a part of the antidote to counteract the stress and pressure. 

Physical exercise is also paramount, whether it’s vigorous workouts or just a daily walk. Besides benefitting our body, exercise helps us think more clearly, improves our mood, reduces stress, anxiety, or depression, and contributes to restful sleep. Staying hydrated (a biggie!) and eating well are priories too. Taking “time off” and getting away regularly by asking a relative or friend to help out or hiring a temporary caregiver is a must.

By no means is this an exhaustive list of how to handle the pressures of caregiving but I hope this has given a few practical ideas of how to navigate a challenging season. 

Blessings,

Rev. Dabney Beck

Dear Caregiver,

As you said, caregiving is very stressful. In fact, studies show that sometimes the caregiver dies before their loved one does. So it’s very important for the caregiver to take care of themselves. Check your local hospital to see if they have a caregiver support group. I used to lead one for years. Also see if you have someone who could give you a respite for a few hours so you can go out with friends. 

Find a therapist with whom you can vent. Most therapy is done on FaceTime so you don’t even have to leave your home. 

Don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Remember what the airlines say about putting the mask on yourself first and then helping others.

Carolyn Young, LCSW