Reprinted from March 2021

Question: We have two children who have had to be on distance learning for the past year. Our daughter, who is 10, is doing okay. We’re concerned about our son, age 7, who is a second grader. He literally crashed a few days ago and began crying. He said to us, “We can’t do this – we can’t do that – I miss my friends at school and my friends at Sunday school. Will I ever get to go to school and Sunday school again?” 

We told him that we, too, have had challenges with the stay-at-home orders and we, too, are looking forward to not living this way. We also told him that we believe that soon we’ll get back to the way we used to live but for now we must be safe. We were careful with our vocabulary because of his age. 

Do you have any words of reassurance we can share with him? We appreciate any help you can give us. ~ Caring Parents

Dear Caring Parents,

Thankfully, the end seems to be in sight! But I have found that each of my kids, at different times throughout this year, have hit an emotional wall. One of the earliest lessons I learned was that I needed to give them room to grieve. Rushing to encourage or console – without acknowledging how they feel – only made matters worse.

When our kids are feeling down, we can communicate that how they feel matters and how they feel will not last forever. We are lonely now, but will not be lonely forever. I have found that sharing ways that I also feel how they feel is helpful. Agreeing with their assessment shows them that they are not alone, and that there are others who can bear their burdens with them.

But we, as parents, have the benefit of perspective to see beyond this time. While this moment is unprecedented in our lifetime, history shows that people have weathered seismic shifts in “how things are.” Building resilience in our kids can be tough because we often want to protect them from bumps and bruises. But they only learn how to get up when they fall down.

Perhaps it would be helpful to talk with your kids about how they’ve learned to adapt before: learning to read or how to do math; learning to ride a bike or play a game; and learning how to cope with new rules about COVID-19. It does get better. Showing them that they have overcome something difficult before can give them resolve to overcome this, too. We have also built ways of looking forward to the end of a week – movie nights on Friday with popcorn and candy; donuts on the weekend for breakfast; spending money for a trip to Old Town Pasadena.

Finally, I think it is appropriate to dream and imagine – to hope. Where should we go when we can safely travel again? What restaurant do we miss the most? Who should we invite over for a sleepover when it’s safe? You can also make plans toward this end. Maybe you perfect a cookie recipe so that you have a special snack when friends come over. 

In Holy Week we learn that timing is important. There is a lot of waiting, anticipating, and even hurting, along the way. But the new life we discover once we get through it is filled with grace. We are sustained by God’s spirit and by those God has gifted to us. It is an important lesson: We are not alone!