Question: I recently watched the Walk for Peace with 19 monks who walked from Ft. Worth, Texas to Washington D.C.  The lead monk talked about mindfulness and breathing as a way towards peace, as well as loving kindness and compassion.

My question is how do I remember to use the techniques when I am in the middle of a testy challenging disagreement … and I feel like I am right and the other person is wrong. How can there be peace? Questioning Peace

Dear Questioning Peace,

First of all, it takes two to have a fight or disagreement. So, you physically have the choice of walking away or disconnecting from the phone … then count to 10. That gives you a solid break from the moment of disagreement and time to think about the situation. Then there’s the old adage … Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? With a step back to catch your breath, if necessary, you can either respond or react to the disagreement. It’s the reaction that usually gets us into trouble and doesn’t really resolve the problem.

And then there’s love. I recall observing a challenging moment between an adult and a preteen. After an ongoing debate between the two that was going nowhere, the adult suddenly broke the momentum by saying, “I love you” to the preteen and I could feel the energy of frustration and anger dissipate immediately. It was magical. Love is the strongest healing power there is … and the only strategy that wins for everyone.

Going back to the breath and mindfulness that the Venerable Monk Bhikkhu Pannakara was teaching during the Walk for Peace … the breath causes the body and the mind to pause, to be present in the moment, to catch a thought of the presence of love and to keep going back with the breath to become and to stay mindful.

During the Walk for Peace, there was a time when the Monk was challenged by a person who was preaching his own beliefs and, after a few moments of discussion, the Monk just told him “I love you” and walked away. It was a very powerful example of peace midst a strong difference of belief. 

In the words of the monks, “Be well, be happy and be at peace.”

And remember to start your day with, “Today is going to be my peaceful day.”

Laney Clevenger, RScP Emeritus
CSL La Crescenta