Reprinted from July 2021

Question: Our daughter’s husband left her with two young sons, ages 4 and 6. She was just reported to the county children’s services because she’s been going out at night and leaving them alone. Had we known this we would have cared for them, but we think she didn’t want us to know she was going out because we don’t believe in that behavior. We appealed to the court to let us take the boys instead of foster care and now we have them. 

Our difficult question is how can we help our daughter be a better parent? We’re baffled by her behavior because we took her to church every Sunday since she was born and we’ve never been a family that goes out to bars. 

Our grandsons are asking for their mother. What do we tell them? She does have visitation rights and they always want to go home with her. We pray for her and our grandsons every day. ~ Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

How wonderful that you appealed to the courts so you could foster your grandchildren. Your love and nurturing will certainly help to provide some stabilization in their lives. Child abandonment can cause lifelong issues when unaddressed and showing them your love will offer them the sense of security they might otherwise not experience. It appears their father is completely out of the picture so it’s only natural that they would want to go home and be with their mother as that is the only life they have ever known. Interestingly, your daughter is viewed as abandoning her children but their dad, though completely out of the picture, is not!  

It is unfortunate that, despite the fact that you have provided a healthy foundation and instilled good values for her, your daughter is making careless decisions that could impact her children for the rest of their lives. There can be numerous reasons why a parent shows reckless behavior towards their children. Many times, single parents can feel overwhelmed and incapable of handling the responsibility of their children on their own. That inability often reflects on their own sense of self-worth causing individuals to act out in uncharacteristic ways. Now that the life she knew with her husband is over, your daughter might feel as though she has been abandoned. As misguided as it is, going out and seeking her own freedom as a single woman might be your daughter’s way of re-establishing her identity. She might be using it as a way of recovering from her own sense of abandonment. I point this out not to justify her behavior but to demonstrate how important it is to refrain from being judgmental.   

The Science of Mind teaches us to trust that everything not only happens for a reason but for a good reason. The moment we shift into a positive interpretation of the circumstances, ask what the gift this situation has to offer, the wisdom will be realized and by-product will always be for goodness’ sake. 

Whatever the reason, your daughter’s actions demonstrate that she needs professional counseling to get her life on track and then re-establish her sense of self-respect and purpose. This scenario requires not only having faith in God, but the faith of God to create a new direction for your daughter and her family.  Your continued love and support will help your daughter find her way back to herself and show your grandchildren that they are safe in your care in the meantime.

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com