Reprinted from July 7, 2022

Question: We’ve attended the same church for 18 years. This past Sunday, we sat behind a couple and their two teenagers. Although they weren’t bothering anyone, the teens were both looking at their phones and texting for most of the service. Although we didn’t say anything, our thinking is this behavior is an insult to the pastor and others who are helping with the service. We also don’t understand why the parents didn’t tell the kids to put away their phones and pay attention. What do you think? ~ Old-fashioned

Dear Old-fashioned,

Yes, I have some opinions on this.

First you’ve said: “Our thinking is this behavior is an insult to the pastor and others who are helping with the service.” It really is. As a preacher myself, I can tell you that preaching to people who are on their cellphones is a lot like preaching to people who are busy reading the newspaper during my sermon. 

But beyond simple etiquette, the overall problem is this: The very most exciting aspect of any church service is the possibility of hearing God’s voice … not that we have to hear an audible voice, yet that is often the case through prayers, sermons and hymns/songs. We tell God we are not available to hear Him when we’re busy texting someone else during the time we’re supposed to devote to Him. Who knows what God will say? It’s exciting! 

Sadly, these days God often gets a busy signal when he seeks to dialogue with our hearts in worship.

Second, you’ve said you don’t understand these parents. I don’t either. I suspect that cellphone manners are the next great social frontier to conquer in our culture. It’s terrible everywhere. But these parents have done something right.

Third, never presume that it is your job to criticize a fellow worshiper’s parenting. I have great hope in today’s teenagers. I’m so glad they’re in church. They do indeed need to put their phones down and ask God to speak to them in this holy moment. I mention this occasionally to my congregation. Perhaps your pastor needs to say it, too. But now you’re being distracted by teenagers in church who aren’t bothering anyone. My advice would be to lift your gaze, metaphorically speaking, and be in communion with the Almighty yourselves so that the behavior of fellow worshippers matters to you less and God’s voice matters more.

Rev. Jon T. Karn
pastorjon@lightonthecorner.org 

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Dear Old-fashioned, 

A recent Gallup poll reports that church attendance in America is at a record low of only 47% as compared to 79% in 1999. They claim that this is because most people nowadays don’t have any specific religious beliefs and aren’t participating in organized religious communities. While the data shows that our youth are not being guided toward religion by their parents, it does not show that our youth are without a sense of spirituality. More than ever, the youth of today actually want, and need, a community of unconditional loving acceptance and support. As a minister, and a mom, I understand how hard it is to get teens out the door in the morning – especially on a Sunday! I applaud the skills of those parents you don’t seem to approve of. 

Yes, their teens were texting during the service but, back in my day, we would have been mindlessly staring out the window and drawing pictures on all of the offering envelopes! Like it or not, no one can be forced to pay attention. However, people of all ages do pay attention when something interesting is going on. Be aware that our teens today are technological wizards. While they are texting, they are listening to music, doing homework and ordering a pair of shoes online. I feel certain that they can also listen to the pastor’s message if it grabs their attention. 

No one needs to take offense here. Your pastor can see this as a great opportunity to become more engaging and to make the changes needed in order to embrace the job of growing a younger congregation. If not, the data shows that your existing church membership will continue to age, shrink and eventually die off. This is already happening all over America. This family may be searching for a warm and welcoming community to be part of. Did you or your pastor encourage the family and their teens to come back to your church?

I am really wondering why you chose to say nothing to them at all.

Negativity can be felt without a single word being spoken and it would be sad if your silent judgment kept them from coming back. Ask yourself what Jesus would have done in that situation. I believe he would have welcomed them with open arms, played a game with them on their phones, listened to their thoughts about church and asked what he could do to make it better. In Matthew 7, the Bible says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” It’s so easy to criticize someone else’s parenting but why not choose to be grateful that they came to your church as a family when in our society so many parents and teens are disconnected? Why not start a teen group or host a spiritual movie night for families? Open the doors and windows of your church and let the stuffiness out. Embrace the inevitable winds of change and do your best to shine the love of God on everyone you meet, whatever their age, and even if they happen to be texting.  

Rev. Karen Mitchell
revkarenmitchell@gmail.com