Killing it with Kindness

Have you ever heard these words, “Always be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle?” They are so true. Almost every person I know has a struggle of some kind whether it is a financial situation, medical condition or grief. The truth is, unless you know the person very well or stop to ask questions, you may never know about it. It doesn’t always show. The way it comes out may be quite unexpected, like someone driving carelessly or being gruff to a cashier. You have to watch carefully for the signs that something is wrong and try to help the best you can. Often, the best approach is just to listen.

I like to play a little game when I am out in public. Every time I encounter a person who is nice, I thank and tell them that I appreciate their courtesy and aim to be pleasant and cooperative in return. I try to anticipate that someone may need help by offering to get things off high shelves, holding a door or letting them go first.  Unless I am in a big hurry, it is easy to do. For those real grumpy heads out there, their bad behavior is harder to embrace but I try to imagine what is happening in their lives that causes them to act that way. Did they just lose their pet? Does their spouse need care? Are they working three jobs? Maybe they have had a horrible life whether it is their fault or not but they don’t know how to get out of the hole they are in.  Who knows? 

I imagine that something is going on and that is the reason they are lashing out at those around them. I stay calm because I assume that rudeness thrown back will only add fuel to the fire. I feel that these poor souls need a kind word or deed to help them keep going. They are on the edge.

Sometimes I will see a mom in a store with a screaming 2-year old. Both of them have had it. The people around her just roll their eyes at the tantrum; the unspoken silence among them is deafening. But often, we don’t know what happened earlier in their day. Grandpa may be in the hospital and they made a quick stop for food after a long day of waiting. In these cases, we must do everything in our power to help them make a quick exit and be on their way. Collectively, we all benefit.

Among our coworkers, there are people who have a hard time. They may have a problem that weighs heavily on them, like a spouse who is abusive or a neighbor who is confrontational. Their job may be the place for respite away from their struggle at home. For someone who appears lost, a kind word can go a long way.

Being a caregiver of someone who is struggling can be equally difficult. Every part of your being is devoted to their care. Families who support someone who has serious disease, mental illness or addiction can feel helpless and alone. People don’t always want to talk about these conditions because it makes them feel uncomfortable.  It is important to let both the afflicted and caregiver know that you are listening.

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. How you engage with them is up to you. The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, think twice before honking and signaling your discontent with hand motions. Imagine the person in the other car is rushing to her mother’s house because she called and said she fell in the kitchen. Give her a pass because some day it might just be you who needs a kind gesture.

Susan Bolan

susanbolan710@gmail.com

  Susan BOLAN