Question: I am not a Catholic but this latest senseless murder of a Bishop in his home really shook me up! With all of the gun violence happening all over our country, I can’t, for the life of me, understand the reason legislators do not take effective action. We vote them in to protect us and this is just not happening. One never knows when he/she goes out on an innocent outing whether they’ll return alive. In the meantime, what can we do to help maintain a sense of stability, fearlessness and peacefulness?

~ Scared Stiff

(Bishop David O’Connell was murdered at his home on Feb. 18. Carlos Medina, 65, the husband of O’Connell’s housekeeper has been arrested and charged for his murder.)

Dear Scared Stiff,

You are not alone. As a preacher in a small church, I have thought on more than one occasion, “What if some wacko comes to church some Sunday morning and shoots me?”It has happened before, at least once in Texas. What to do?Sadly, not much at this point. You and I live in a society that has become trapped in our insistence on “our rights”, in this case what the Second Amendment seems to say about keeping and bearing arms. (BTW Do you think the Founding Fathers really thought every goof ball with a perceived grievance should have whatever weapon he/she wanted at his/her disposal? I think not.)The American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, who died in 1971, said what I think is a really wise thing, and his words seem apropos at this point: Man’s ability to do good makes democracy possible; man’s ability to do evil makes democracy necessary.In my opinion, those who think we all ought to be able to have any gun we want forget about the ability of each of us to do evil. The gun lobby wants to “crack down” with tougher penalties but that approach has not worked. In the debate over gun ownership, the ability of each of us to do evil gets lost in the debate. And most of our international friends cannot believe that we Americans give whoever wants a gun, a gun.A solution? It’s not a quick one, but a good start would be that those we elect to public office gain some courage and try to think outside the box for new answers, such as entertain the thought that maybe everybody shouldn’t have a gun – duh. Again, we are trapped by our insistence on “our rights”. We are strangely trapped by a “freedom”we insist upon having.Sorry to have no quick fix.

The Rev. C. L. “Skip” Lindeman

lindemanskip@yahoo.com

Dear Scared Stiff,

We have more guns in the United States than people, so it’s no wonder you are scared stiff. And the media doesn’t help either with if it bleeds it leads.I don’t think we can count on our government right now so we have to take action ourselves. I only look for the good in everything I do or the people I meet. And guess what? I only get back goodness. Also I have been practicing staying in the present for many years now so tha’s my natural state of mind. The past is gone, we don’t know the future and the present is all we have. Make it count. Meditation helps so much. I start every morning by reading the Daily Word [published] by Unity and then concentrate on the word of the day. Sometimes it’s for only for five minutes. There are also many meditation apps you can get on your phone. Do what works for you. But remember that practice makes perfect; so stay in the present and expect goodness.

Carolyn Young, LCSW

cjmesalila@gmail.com

Question: Please help us with a decision. We’re a family of four adults. Our father passed away five years ago. Now, our mother’s health is deteriorating. We all live in the same community and have been taking turns caring for mom. She owns her home and has said repeatedly she wants to stay there. Two of us think it’s time for her to be moved to assisted living and two do not like the idea. We all admit the care we’re giving her really isn’t enough. We love our mom and want the best for her.

~ Undecided

Dear Undecided:

Taking care of aging parents is a tradition in many countries. In my youth I recall vividly it was common for the younger generation to take care of their parents, it was the only Social Security we had back then. Even today we have friends who help their parents live in their own homes where they are more comfortable, secure and where they are able to maintain their individuality. Often children measure their parents’ ability by their own youthful standards which is often considered not good judgement. To say your mother is deteriorating health-wise may be considered subjective. When evaluating her capability, consider whether she is able to handle her finances, cook for herself, clean her home, dress by herself, maintain good hygiene, buy her own groceries and drive. Most importantly, if it is her desire to remain in her own home and can walk without aid and there are no safety issues, her desire should be respected. If there are safety issues most times they can be addressed and corrected. Losing one’s independence is a major tragedy and without a doubt someday each of us will have that experience. Should she have serious health issues and her physician recommends moving into an assisting living facility it may be best if the physician explains to her the need to move rather than alienate yourselves from her. Love from all of you with compassion is what she needs mostly. Come together and pray to God for guidance and most certainly He will hear you. Lots of love and acceptance can make a difference in her life.

Andy Gero

ajgero46@gmail.com

Dear Undecided,

First, thank you for taking care of your mom. Taking care of someone else it not always an easy task, but your love for your mom is evident in your concern for her wellbeing. I commend you and your siblings for working together to make sure she is lovingly cared for.

Second, there comes a time when we realize we need help. We can’t do everything on our own, or even with a few people. In his letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul talks about the body of Christ and how each person is a special member of that body with individual gifts and talents(1 Corinthians 12). We can’t do everything by ourselves, but together we can make sure those around us are taken care of.

So, maybe it is time for you and your siblings to get some help. If your mom wants to stay in her home and is able to, maybe you can hire a caregiver to come in and assist her. The caregiver can be with your mom when you and your siblings cannot be there. This would give all of you a break, while at the same time making sure your mom has the best of care.

Whatever your family decides to do, please know there are people willing to help. You are not alone. May the comforting and caring Spirit of God guide all of you as you make these important decisions for your family.

Blessings,

Rev. Karin Ellis

revkarinellis@gmail.com