Spiritually Speaking

QUESTION: I am an only child with two wonderful parents. They were both in their late 30s when I was adopted as a baby and welcomed into their home. They’ve given me every opportunity they possibly could. I took piano lessons, went to a private school and graduated from a good college. Now, after a 10-year career that has been very successful, I’ve been offered a position that comes with a lucrative salary on the East Coast that is very difficult to turn down. My parents have told me to go ahead and go, and yet, because they are now both older, I’m hesitant to go. I’d like them to come with me, but they’ve lived in this community all of their lives and don’t want to move.

I guess it comes down to what’s important: money or love? I’m concerned that if I go, I’ll really leave my heart here. Please help me sort this out.
~ Indecisive Daughter

Dear Indecisive Daughter,
As a child who has moved across the country from family, and as the father of an adopted child, I understand your tensions. Saying yes to something means that we say no to something else, including potential futures. However, the most telling detail in your letter is that your mother and father have encouraged you to take the job. They have given you much in your life. My question to you: Is their blessing enough to help you weigh your options?

When my family moved to California four years ago, we encouraged my mother and mother-in-law to visit often. And they did! As a result, we built new memories as we explored Los Angeles – and being far away meant that they stayed longer than the normal weekend jaunts when we lived nearby. I would assume your parents would be just as adventurous as they come to see their child living the life they hoped for her.

I am reminded of Jesus’ teaching about the nature of parental love in Matthew 7:9-10. “Which of you, if your child asks for a fish would give him a snake? Or which, if they asked for bread would give her a stone?” Parents, in their love for their children, know that letting go is part of our task. We can only hope that the love and support we offered provides a path to our children’s confidence. It is clear that your parents love you and support you. My hope is that you trust in their love for you, just as we have been called to trust in God’s love for us.
Kyle Sears WEB
Pastor Kyle Sears

lcccpastor@gmail.com

Dear Indecisive Daughter,
I completely understand how you feel! It is hard to leave behind those we love. And it sounds like if you choose to go you feel you’re not only leaving your “heart” but abandoning your parents and responsibility to their future care-giving.

Your parents obviously want the best for you and want you to go to pursue your career and new experiences. You say it’s hard to turn this offer down because of the money, but is there also some fear on your part of being on your own without the safety net of your parents?

Life will always be filled with conflicting choices and we’re always weighing our options. If we can accept the spiritual “Truth” that our lives are always unfolding perfectly for our highest good, growth and upliftment, then we can never make the wrong choice.

You question whether the choice is between “love or money.” How about self-love? If money was completely out of the equation, does this new opportunity have enough “juice” for you to go? Is it in alignment with your future career goals? Values? Interests? What would you regret more – staying here or taking the job?

As far as your parents’ future care is concerned, you do have many options. If you’re truly worried about them being on their own, you might consider taking the job on a three-to-six month temporary basis and see how it goes. You could negotiate trips home as part of your package. Maybe you could telecommute part of the month?

Lastly, there are many community resources available to provide support in your absence. Your spiritual center, friends and charitable organizations can also provide much needed support when required.

At the end of the day the only way you’ll really know what’s best is to “take a leap of faith” and go. Life is what you make it. Your parents made a beautiful life for you to go out into the world and become who you are meant to be.

I’ll finish with an affirmation I keep taped to my laptop:  “I am awake to the life that is mine to live!”
Sending Love & Light,
Rev. Dr. Ellen Contente web
Rev. Dr. Ellen Contente
Revellenfaith@gmail.com
QUESTION: What does one say to neighbors whose dog constantly barks to still get along with them? We live in the same apartment complex and every morning while I’m getting ready for work, the dog is barking. The neighbors have already left early for work. I feel sorry for the dog, and I don’t want to complain to the managers because I don’t want the people to have to get rid of the dog or be asked to move.

I’ve thought and thought about a solution but haven’t been able to come up with something that would work. The constant barking really makes me nervous.
~ Agitated Neighbor

Dear Agitated Neighbor,
I have been reflecting on your concerns and have a few suggestions.
First, let me say I appreciate your concerns and how you want to be compassionate whatever you do in this matter. As a dog owner myself, I appreciate people who have concerns and who take the time to figure out what is best for all people. There are some in the world who are not willing to talk about a win-win solution. I thank God for your heart.

So, as you pray about this, I would ask for an opening to talk to your neighbors about your concern. Maybe they are not aware how long their dogs bark after they are gone. I know for our dogs I did not know until a neighbor told us that one of our dogs would “cry” after we left. There may be actions they can take to soothe their dogs before leaving for the day. The concern here is for the dogs and their separation anxiety. The owners may want to consult an expert on dog behavior and see what can be done.

Telling the owners about your observation without judgment is a way of conveying your compassion about the situation.
Not all dog owners are created equal, but if someone was that concerned about my dogs I would really appreciate that approach. Of course if they are not receptive to your concerns, you can talk to your manager and explain your situation. They may have a process of handling the situation as well that falls short of the people having to move. Again, that is why I suggest praying for guidance and inspiration as you take time to address this concern.

We are a diverse people and we do have times when conflicts arise. To be compassionate means to look for solutions that benefit all. This takes patience and understanding as well as a willingness to compromise.
It is hard work, but work that brings us to being good neighbors. I know I am not always able to do this perfectly, and sometimes apologizing for my failure to do so is prudent, but it is always worth the effort in the end.

I pray that you will find a way of working this out with your neighbors so all will be at peace.
God strengthens us for this work, especially when we do not see an answer or a solution. Blessings to you.
Pastor Steve Marshall WEB
Rev. Steve Poteete-Marshall

planetarypilgrim@gmail.com

Dear Agitated Neighbor,
Have you tried befriending your dog-owning neighbors? I would get to know them in any way other than complaining first.

You must see them coming and going on occasion. How about something like, “Hi there, how are you doing today?” or some other innocuous conversation opener. Maybe the person is carrying a heavy package and trying to put the key in her door. You can offer to help.

After a short get-to-know-you period, you might volunteer to get to know the dog and be able to have your neighbor share the key so you can come and pet the dog or whatever occurs to you. At least you would know the dog’s name and could say, “It’s okay, Sparky,” (substitute the appropriate name.) You might even gain three friends from the deal – your neighbors and their dog.

Who knows? Maybe other neighbors will get involved and many friendships will be created in the process.

Good luck. This could be the start of something great!
Rabbi Janet Bieber WEB
Rabbi Janet Bieber
jbieber1155@aol.com